if i break the situation down into byte sized chunks, maybe it will make it easier to swallow / make sense:
1. my daughter is schizophrenic, is on serious medication and has been for over four years (can't remember exactly when she had the first psychotic episode). Despite this illness, she is coping really well and holding down a good job. She socialises well and to all intents and purposes functions perfectly fine.
2. until she has a relapse. which she did last year on a trip to Hermanus with her intended fiance.
3. she has had some absolutely awesome boyfriends in the past - some of them were really good to her and gorgeous men in their own right.
4. the fiance to be - well what can i say that's good about him? nothing.
he has no personality - zilch, nada, nix
looks at everyone with a sly sideways cringing glance
creeps about the place like one of the living dead, is stick thin and not
has systematically lied to all of us (including my daughter) for
over two years about his so-called 'jobs' ... he has not been
in a genuine lasting job for most of this time (if not longer)
was supposed to be doing a computer course for the better part of 2008 and
2009 (A+). He wrote the tests four times - each time his mother paid
for him to rewrite (and this wasn't cheap). He still has not passed
the course. He doesn't have matric.
he relies on his father (who lives in Witbank) and his mother (who
lives the life of the rich and famous in Hermanus) to bail him out
every couple of weeks with money. they are constantly throwing cash
at him. His mother even bought him his own flat (which is the only
thing that he's got in his favour at the moment) I've met his
mother and stepfather (when they came up to Gauteng to look for a
flat to buy him) ... they are super wealthy people and major
socialites. They have personal homes all over the world and cash
is not a problem but they don't seem to have done much to make sure
that their adopted son gets a good education and make sure he can
provide for himself in the future.
yes, he is an adopted son. we do not know who his biological parents are.
he suffers from epilepsy - not such a problem, many successful people have it
(Jonty Rhodes, for example)- but in his case, it's not a positive
absolutely everyone who comes into contact with him, can not understand
what my daughter is doing with him - he's a social misfit and reject
my sons want to punch his face in every time they see him.
my daughter knows exactly how i feel about him (per above) - we've told her these things over and over and every now and then she agrees with us and leaves him, to go and stay with one of her brothers. But he doesn't leave her alone, cries and wails when she leaves him, smashes his head against the wall and threatens to kill himself, so she goes back to him.
i do not see any happy future for her with this chap at all - all i see is years of misery, debt and mental problems. he is no good for her emotionally, spiritually or physically - by her own admission, he has erectile dysfunction and she has to force him to have sex with her, he never initiates the process and for a chap his age (he's over 27) this is not natural.
I could go on, there's tons more but this lot is enough to be getting on with.
What am i to do?
I can not find it in myself to rustle up any enthusiasm whatsoever for this intended union - it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I've been ill, in fact, most of this week with dread thinking about the upcoming meeting that the intended fiance keeps hinting will happen - i.e. the one where he is going to ask if he can marry my daughter.
Nobody will want to attend the wedding (from her side of the family) and if they do, it will not be for his benefit and when the time comes for the priest to ask if anyone of the congregation gathered here today has any reason why these two shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony' ... my entire family will stand up and shout out in unison that
"YES WE DO!"