Monday, March 7, 2011

Obligations, Complications ... routines and schedules …

Today I was depressed, frustrated .. just wanted to lie on my bed and listen to Thom.

Wasn’t interested in email, doing work, speaking to people – kept feeling an overwhelming urge to throw something at the wall. My aunt called from the UK and even though it was fun speaking to her and we had a good laugh, I felt empty when I put the phone down.

Seemed like I was in some eerie Matrix today – like I wasn’t really in the world, on the edge, looking in and I didn’t like what I was seeing about my situation, so that made me even more fed up and angry.

Life is complicated, when it should be simple.

Life is strange when it should be comfortable.

I am financially secure, have a job, personal possessions, everything I need to keep me amused and busy but then I hear you and I realise that I miss having someone to love, someone exciting, brilliant and genius filling up my concrete still life. Someone adult. Someone complicated, gifted, strange, beautiful and animal.

Little by little by hook or by crook
never in earnest, never get judged
... i don't know where it is i should look

it's like when i first discovered the best of Leo Kottke, the chord sequences are so pure, so clear, they actually hurt. Maybe I need to listen to someone else for a couple of months.

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