Tuesday, February 28, 2012

new acrylic

Original art from British born (me), South African based artist, Janice Scott
This piece is titled "On the occasion of your wedding"
Acrylic on canvas (stretched on pre-prepared box frame)
Please allow for slight chromatic aberration between colours of actual piece and digital reproduction.

Dimensions:
122cm Wide x 91.5cm Long x 4cm Deep
Sides painted Acrylic Coal Black

Copyright notice: Kindly respect that the digital images of this artwork and others on my website/blog are the property of the artist. Reproduction, by any means, is forbidden, unless prior written consent has been given by the artist.



Detail close-up from the painting:


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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

For Sale - Enquire within

"Girl in the magenta bustier" ... whimsical little title, which really only makes sense when you are as blind as I am.


Acrylic on canvas (stretched on box frame)
Dimensions: 50.5 cm Wide x 77cm Long x 7.5cm Deep
Sides lacquered Black

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Internalising

So now that i am in my new 'pozzy' ... i get to spend some time thinking on my own, with no disturbances, i can concentrate on the thinking process (which is something i haven't been able to do coherently for over 4 years). I'd lost sight of the the luxury most people have of just being able to lie in bed and listen to their own music or wallow in the peace, silence. I've only had that feeling once in my life, when i first moved into my own flat after my divorce. I am listening to music that i used to absorb myself in during those times (back in the 90's), when i was writing regularly for the Star. It seemed easy then.
Not anymore.
Writing is something i seem to have no confidence with anymore. I'm embarrassed to even try writing creative fiction. And no, it's not a 'writer's block' scenario. It's much more than that. There is a void, a bleak grey nothingness inside me, no spark. Each word seems useless, pointless. I try to think of an idea - anything - and get nowhere.

I remember my circumstances when i moved into my tiny flat. It was a haven, a refuge, a place i turned into a precious retreat - somewhere safe. The optimism i felt at being free, truly free and by myself, for the first time in my life, permeated into everything i did when i lived there. The exhilaration i experienced each evening when i returned home from the working day, opening 'my' front door, walking into 'my' refuge ... 'my' space that i had filled with hope, dreams, warmth ... from nothing (literally) .... a space i maintained all by myself, with no assistance from anyone else.
It was such a secret pleasure to bask in the knowledge that i was self-sufficient, standing on my own two feet and i hadn't starved or been crushed by the challenge.
Until I lost my job. And oh, how the walls crashed down in my crystal palace then!

Despite that momentary set back and the fact that i eventually had to give up my flat and move in with family in order to survive, i was so happy in that flat.
Happiness. What a word.
In my case, happiness largely came hand in hand with loneliness, incredible heart break, loss of lovers, loss of friends ... such pain, coupled with so much bright joy - how is that possible?

I guess all of us go through cycles of light & joy/darkness & pain ... but do other people have it happen with as much regularity as I've experienced in my life? Why can't I have a constant plateau of just medium to low grade happiness? Nothing too rash or hectic. Level, even, solid peace and quiet. No, that's not in my cards.

I'm afraid to be happy now - i think that's the problem. The happy got knocked out of me so many times, it's as though somehow i don't deserve it. Who am I to even dream that I will be truly happy one day? There is a master puppeteer at work in my life - twisting the knife in, whenever i think 'this time it's going to be different, it's going to last, i'm safe!" .... i will never be safe. So i believe these are the main reasons why i can't write anymore.
I believe all the time that i am scared to death that it will go off like a rocket and shortly thereafter crash and burn, plunge back down to Earth. Short-lived. Vacuous.
Even this motley, uneven grouping of whinging words took all my effort.

Paint
That's what I need.
I found paint before I discovered words.
So now my sanctuary will be put to use splashing about with the acrylics.



Tuesday, February 14, 2012

update from the coal face

been almost an eon since I posted on here ... so current state of affairs in my life is as follows (like anyone actually gives a sh#t):

  • i have moved out of my upstairs bedroom /bathroom (the west wing) to the outside maids' quarters (still inside the main house but a separate entrance from outside). I am actually VERY happy about this. Firstly, I have my own key, can 'lock up and go', can play my music loud, can get peace and quiet when i want it, can write again, can paint again (cos the floor is tiled, not carpeted) ... yep, i'm very cosy in my new bachelorette pad downstairs and round back.
  • my other son and his fiance are moving in on saturday and going to reside in my previous bedroom/bathroom ... so they are squeezing a two bedroomed duplex flat into one tiny bedroom ... good luck with that. Oh well, we are all trying to save money, so it should be fun (for a couple of nano-seconds)
  • we have a showday on Sunday to sell the house ... lordy lordy.
  • i am now sourcing a reliable manufacturer to help me with the wedding dress/prom/debutante dress side of my business - having ditched the adult toys section completely from www.littlevixen.co.za I am still keeping the toys/games that i have in stock and selling them at private lingerie parties ... fun times.
  • i have rotator cuff tendonitis with impingement in my shoulder - did one stint of physiotherapy and was in so much pain during and after, that i'm not going back. the only solution now is to have cortisone injected into the tendon. or surgery. neither appeals to me overmuch. so i guess i will just have to happily take extremely strong painkillers (and Mojito's) for the rest of my life ... no problemo.
  • my best mate is getting married on the 25th of this month ... so i need ideas as to what to send him as a wedding gift.
  • my eldest son gets married on the 31st of next month - and so far i've managed to organise a priest for him and his fiance (cos they didn't seem capable of doing it themselves), am busy organising the honeymoon (cos my son just aint got the time) ... oi vey.
  • what else?
  • oh Kit Harington accepted my request to 'follow' him on Twitface ... so i am a bit a-flutter about that at the moment.
  • i'm waiting for the rest of the books from George R R Martin (courtesy of Amazing Amazon)
  • that's it for now.
cheers