Saturday, September 29, 2012

fisty cuffs all round


So now we are starting with the family feuds ... i was wondering when this would happen and sure enough, it began this morning.  
Too boring to go into the details but eldest daughter and eldest son are now at each other’s throats like rabid dogs and vowing never to speak to one another again.   We are supposed to be staying with eldest son for the month of November (after we move out of our current home) up until 6th December, when we fly out from OR Tambo to England’s green and pleasant land.  Now looks like we are going to have to find a camping spot because eldest son has told eldest daughter that he doesn’t want her staying with him and his wife anymore.   Great.  Just bloody great all round.
So of course, I now have to do extensive damage control and try and patch this up – like we don’t have enough fucking stress to be getting along with.  

Thursday, September 20, 2012

as the stomach turns

Following on from previous post.

We had a 'psychic' client who came to visit us this afternoon, during our conversation he said that I would settle like a duck to water in the UK and that in 6 years time (or thereabouts) I would be in Canada.   He saw us all living in a double storey house next to a field, with a big tree in our garden and a small river or stream running by our house as well.  Idyllic.  The kinda place I am looking for, to be honest.  So hope he's right.

If I distance myself, or compartmentalise my feelings about my sons and how I am going to miss them, then I can start to look at MY feelings and what this is meaning to me.  I haven't actually had the time to think about it!   It's all gone past in such a blur.  For the most part, I didn't believe that it was happening, i didn't WANT to believe it was happening, in case it didn't.  So i just got on with all the planning, organising, stressing and now the time has flown by and in less than three months we WILL be in the UK and to all intents and purposes, I will be home.   But it is not home, really, is it?  I haven't lived in the UK for the most part of my life and I am quite apprehensive about it, to be honest.   I know that I am going to miss South Africa, despite myself.  I have spent a lifetime here, it's only natural that I will miss things that have influenced me over the years.   Particularly the light (not the sun, because i'm not a sun person). The intensity of the blue sky, African thunderstorms and lightning. One very special friend (he knows who I am talking about) ... But that's about all that I can think of, off the top of my head.  Quite sad really. 

I don't want to speculate about how things will be for me when I am there.  I want this to be an adventure, like opening a big box of chocolates.     Watch this space then.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

some part of where I am in my head right now

To try and focus my feelings as they relate only to ME is difficult at the moment because i’m constantly aware of how the move to the UK will affect so many people in our family circle. We have a big family, so the ripple effect spreads quite wide and I have had huge concerns about how this is impacting on my sons. Both my sons are quite capable of coming to the UK at any time in the future, should they so wish to and we will be spending the last month in South Africa living with my eldest son – i think this is what’s nagging at me the most.

 As a mother, you try your best NOT to display favouritism. You try your best to make sure that your displays of affection are evenly distributed amongst your children. I have four children and they are all separate individual beings with distinctly different personalities, strengths, weaknesses – so it is not possible to treat each one the ‘same’ by virtue of the fact that they are all so unique in themselves. The fact that I am going to be leaving my two sons behind, when we leave for the UK on the 6th December is creating enormous personal stresses that I am, quite frankly, ill-equipped to deal with.

I am quite aware of the fact that that they can both come to the UK to live permanently at any time in the future, should they so wish. But this does not diminish the anxiety I am feeling at the thought of having to say cheers at the airport. I know that I will see them again and probably very soon after leaving South Africa, I will be able to chat to them on SKYPE every day, email every day, speak on the phone every day ... for some reason this is not reassuring me and it should. I do not handle this type of thing very well – mainly because I am a Libran and (sorry for the non-believers amongst us but I am the text book definition of a Libran female) constantly look for balance and harmony in life, relationships, etc. etc. I am not a logical, unemotional person, so I am twisted up in knots inside and fluttering about in my head, not knowing how to deal with this at all.

Trying to find humour in the situation doesn't help me either. I am dreading going to the airport and having to hold my sons and say that 'I will see them soon', etc. etc. ... the platitudes ... I know that I will cry, they will cry, we will all bawl our eyes out. I have written both of them a letter and am keeping it to give them at the airport but that’s not enough. I want to do something really special for both of them, I want to make them understand that I am not leaving them behind, or deserting them or running away or whatever it is that they might think in the quiet of the night when nobody’s speaking out loud. I don’t honestly know how I am going to cope with not being able to speak to Andrew and David every day. Although at the moment, I only speak to Andrew once a fortnight, or when he manages to find time to come to see us. We are going to be staying at his house for the month of November and until we fly out at the beginning of December, so we will have that time to be with each other. Maybe by the beginning of December, we will all be so relieved to be out of each others’ hair that the airport won’t be such a big scary moment. But I doubt it.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Trains and boats and planes

Well tickets have been booked and paid for - we fly out on SAA 234 on the 6th December, arriving in London (Heathrow) early morning of the 7th.

Monday, September 3, 2012

geeky stuff

i've been trawling the 'net for a couple of weeks now, looking for the perfect Netbook /Mini-laptop to compliment my collection of machines at home. I'm running the Dell Vostro at the moment for work and it's quite perfectly fine for office / data storage use, due to the fact that I chose the biggest screen I could (17") ... it's a very powerful machine and i have no problems with it at all, other than it gets blisteringly hot (a problem with Dells, I have found out recently).

The other thing is that due to the size of my Hot 17" wunderkid, it's just not the most comfortable laptop to just pick up and tuck under your arm to wander around the house with. Forget putting it in your bag. (It has its own bag, that weighs about 2kgs and takes up an entire car seat).

So i decided that it would be quite nice to get myself a leekle laptop that i COULD wander around with, sit it on my lap and type away at Ye Olde Booke, hide in bed with surfing UBoob ... something small that I could do word processing on (mainly), check emails, Google ... that kind of thing. Something small that I could pick up and run with, whenever the mood took me (which is quite often, if i'm truthful).
A netbook/mini-laptop seemed like the best idea. However, the more I researched the different makes, the more it became obvious that these thingies are not so quietly being phased out and replaced with tablets. I can easily pick up an Asus Eee PC1015PX for just over R3K, delivered tomorrow but what's the point of buying something that is already defunct on the design front and not in any way powerful.
Now what?

My son and other members of my family have Samsung Galaxy Tablets (bought on cellphone contracts for next to nothing per month), one or two people we have in our family have IPads. So I tried out the Galaxy Tab this weekend and whilst it's fun, it still doesn't do what I want it to do. I don't do Gaming, so all that shite is wasted on me. I looked at the Alienware 10" tablet, that is completely the most fucking sexiest machine on the planet but despite the sexiness of its design, it won't do what I want it to.

Buying a Samsun or IPad outright (which is what I want to do - i'm not interested in contracts), is not something to jump up and down about. It's insanity having to pay over R6K for tablet.
South African dealers charge way to much for computing hardware/software (that's a given) but now I have a real dilemma. The MS Surface is supposed to be released in October (when Windows 8 gets released here) ... I've looked at the specs and yep this will do the trick quite fine, thank you.

Initial rumours are that MS Surface models will be reasonably priced - but what is 'reasonable'? I doubt the retailers here are going to send it out to the South African public at LESS than what they are already ripping us off for IPads.

So, I'm saving up.