Thursday, September 20, 2012

as the stomach turns

Following on from previous post.

We had a 'psychic' client who came to visit us this afternoon, during our conversation he said that I would settle like a duck to water in the UK and that in 6 years time (or thereabouts) I would be in Canada.   He saw us all living in a double storey house next to a field, with a big tree in our garden and a small river or stream running by our house as well.  Idyllic.  The kinda place I am looking for, to be honest.  So hope he's right.

If I distance myself, or compartmentalise my feelings about my sons and how I am going to miss them, then I can start to look at MY feelings and what this is meaning to me.  I haven't actually had the time to think about it!   It's all gone past in such a blur.  For the most part, I didn't believe that it was happening, i didn't WANT to believe it was happening, in case it didn't.  So i just got on with all the planning, organising, stressing and now the time has flown by and in less than three months we WILL be in the UK and to all intents and purposes, I will be home.   But it is not home, really, is it?  I haven't lived in the UK for the most part of my life and I am quite apprehensive about it, to be honest.   I know that I am going to miss South Africa, despite myself.  I have spent a lifetime here, it's only natural that I will miss things that have influenced me over the years.   Particularly the light (not the sun, because i'm not a sun person). The intensity of the blue sky, African thunderstorms and lightning. One very special friend (he knows who I am talking about) ... But that's about all that I can think of, off the top of my head.  Quite sad really. 

I don't want to speculate about how things will be for me when I am there.  I want this to be an adventure, like opening a big box of chocolates.     Watch this space then.

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