Couldn't sleep at all last night. For you guys who may read this later on, just remember that this move to the UK is not done lightly. I kept wanting to hold you all for a long time each in turn last night whilst I was lying in bed. This morning was hard. I won't dwell on these feelings on the blog, I'm sure that I will feel much more intense emotions in the coming weeks/months but I am trying to put on a brave face. The kiddies said goodbye last night to their great-grandma - after going out to dinner with that side of the family in Pretoria - it was hard for all concerned and many tears were shed.
To say that I am absolutely dreading the airport tomorrow night, is such an under-statement, I feel sick all the time thinking about it.
I have written each of you a letter, which I will only give you at the airport, please try and take heed of what I've said. I tried very hard not to lecture (har har) and to be upbeat and positive. It is a very positive time for us (me and the rest of the M's), it is also extremely stressful, scary ... etc. etc. but the over-riding sensation for us is one of anticipation of a better life for us all. We have all got cold feet at one time or another, those feelings of anxiety, trepidation have surfaced all too often. I had a moment of absolute panic last night, whilst trying to get to sleep, that I was making a horrible decision and couldn't go! I wanted to run to you Dave and hang on for as long as possible. Then I heard Andrew's voice in the back of my mind and needed to speak to him straight away but of course, you were both asleep. I don't know how I am going to cope without my dudes. Allyson came home this morning after being at Ronnie's and I went to give her a hug and couldn't let go - ending in tears.
That's how it's going to be at the airport, multiplied by 1,000.
I love you guys, you know that. This is NOT goodbye, merely ciao for now and see you soon - that is not idle talk into the wind, either. Remember that.