Wednesday, December 5, 2012

On the eve of the great trek

Couldn't sleep at all last night.   For you guys who may read this later on, just remember that this move to the UK is not done lightly.   I kept wanting to hold you all for a long time each in turn last night whilst I was lying in bed.  This morning was hard.       I won't dwell on these feelings on the blog, I'm sure that I will feel much more intense emotions in the coming weeks/months but I am trying to put on a brave face.     The kiddies said goodbye last night to their great-grandma - after going out to dinner with that side of the family in Pretoria - it was hard for all concerned and many tears were shed.
To say that I am absolutely dreading the airport tomorrow night, is such an under-statement, I feel sick all the time thinking about it.   

I have written each of you a letter, which I will only give you at the airport, please try and take heed of what I've said.   I tried very hard not to lecture (har har) and to be upbeat and positive.   It is a very positive time for us (me and the rest of the M's), it is also extremely stressful, scary ... etc. etc. but the over-riding sensation for us is one of anticipation of a better life for us all.   We have all got cold feet at one time or another, those feelings of anxiety, trepidation have surfaced all too often.  I had a moment of absolute panic last night, whilst trying to get to sleep, that I was making a horrible decision and couldn't go!   I wanted to run to you Dave and hang on for as long as possible.  Then I heard Andrew's voice in the back of my mind and needed to speak to him straight away but of course, you were both asleep.   I don't know how I am going to cope without my dudes.  Allyson came home this morning after being at Ronnie's and I went to give her a hug and couldn't let go - ending in tears.
That's how it's going to be at the airport, multiplied by 1,000.
I love you guys, you know that.   This is NOT goodbye, merely ciao for now and see you soon - that is not idle talk into the wind, either.  Remember that.  

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