Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Just jammin

A couple of movies that most probably will not live up to expectations are  Pacific Rim
and After Earth -   but I’m sure they will be 1 million times better than the tired, hackneyed and cheaply tatty thing that is SkyfallTo think, we almost bought a copy of this flick before watching it via Blinkbox last night.    The latest Bond franchise fails on so many levels ...
  • Daniel Craig looked bored, tatty (unshaven for most of the first part of it), run down and pissed off.  And oh, he POUTS so!   Makes me want to slap him through his little chin. 
  • If that front end digger scene on a train was the Director/Producer's idea of a spectacular opening Bond stunt, then they need to go back to the drawing board.  Dismal, boring.
  • The chicks.  What chicks?  There was the non-sexy Naomie Harris and the even less sexy Berenice Marlohe  with her mealie mouth and really strange make-up.  Are there no memorable Bond girls left?   How can the two lasses in Skyfall even remotely compare to Bond Girlies (old and new) like Halle Berry, Diana Rigg, Maud Adams, Eva Green, Famke Janssen ... the list is endless. 
  • The stunts ... oh my, Daniel runs around a bit.  He jumps off a bridge (yawn).  He dies.  He drinks scorpion moonshine.  Whoopy do.   Daniel stands and poses a lot.   Daniel stands and poses and pouts a lot too.  Fuck off Daniel Craig.  For Christ's sake bring back Pierce Brosnan ... (I can't stand him by the way) ... at least he can, sort of, act and looks manly, suave and classy.  
  • The cars ... shame on you!   Cars in Bond films are what we pay money to see.  This was the Recession version of a Bond movie, a recycler's wet dream.  We had to put up with the old Aston Martin and a couple of Mercs ... it was so SAD and drab and Bourgeois! 
  • The Special Effects ... again, that's what Q was put on this Earth for.  The producers/Directors/writers/Bond Budget Control Committee make some weak nod at economics and people who are scared of Sony, by making Q say that they don't use gadgets anymore, so all old Bond gets is a gun and wireless remote tracker ( a Walther PPK/S 9mm short pistol with embedded finger-print scanner and a tiny elementary radio tracker, for the purists amongst us).   Big freaking deal.      I have more gadgets in my bedside table than that.
  • Bad guy.   No. He. Was. Not.  My grandson can be scarier than him.  He was ridiculous.  They should have rather called in Mike Myers to reprise his Dr. Eveel routine, it would have at least given us a laugh.
  • Don't get me started on the soundtrack.

Throughout the movie, I kept hoping that Sean Connery would stroll into a scene and lend an air of class to the proceedings but not to be.  I waited patiently for Albert Finney to appear but why they even bothered putting in him that role (as the Gamekeeper of the Skyfall residence) beats me.  He was lost and wasted. 

Daniel Craig doesn't have even an ounce of a twitch of  Scottish in him, so how he even got cast as a person who was orphaned in Scotland doesn't gel with me one bit, not at all.

I say again.  You Producer/Director tossers should have gone with Rory McCann ... 

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