Thursday, April 25, 2013

A 'meaningful' post

Haven't really put anything up here on LAAC that has any literary merit (cough, do I ever) for a Very Long Time.   And as for my updates relating to life in Norfolk, those have kinda dwindled away to dribbles about nothing in particular and the weather, haven't they?

I guess I am in some kind of stasis or limbo at the moment.   The initial madness of settling into a new life, new country, new job etc. etc. has morphed into a kind of numb contentedness.   I'm not happy but I'm not unhappy, if that makes any degree of sense at all. 

Every now and then, one of my remaining children in SA, makes a statement to the effect that they are coming over for a holiday in the next month or so, then it all dwindles away to nothing and empty promises.  I'm doing the same as well in reverse direction.   I can't really make any concrete plans to go back to SA for a holiday though (even though I've already planned what I would like to do with Christmas holidays 2014) until I know what H & K are going to be doing with their leave.  It's not possible to go to SA unless we all go together.   That's making me somewhat frustratred, well it's making me Very Frustrated.    But I'll have to be grown up about it and just hang around until H & K decide what they are going to do with the rest of this year. 

I have sort of settled into a routine with regards transcript typing work but I keep thinking that I'm completely wasting my time and talent doing this donkey work for below starving rate wages.  I'm torn between all sorts of different directions.  One side of me wants to just pack in the transcript work, or at the very least only do it for two days a week (maximum) and devote the rest of the time to full time painting.   Then the nagging doubts come in and the insecurities, lack of confidence and that side of my brain tells me that I will never make any money at that (or at the very best, won't make as much even as I'm getting from transcript typing).  The other side of my head is telling me to stop transcript typing altogether and spend the energy developing, completing and publishing a book - any book - just get a book published.

These goals/dreams have always been there, wafting about in the cob-webbed corners of my brain.  I just make too many excuses.  I can actually do ALL the above, including keeping the transcript typing work ticking over [thereby generating enough cash to buy canvasses dumbass] ... I keep saying 'from tomorrow' I'll start painting.  Why am I procrastinating?  I've even got a commission for God's sake.   I need to get me a big hob-nailed boot and get someone to kick me with it.

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