Monday, September 2, 2013

Psychobabbling again.

There are so many logical theories about so-called 'psychic' awareness/ability in humans.  Mainly centering around the fact that it is a load of old bollocks and not possible etc. etc.  

I don't consider myself a gullible person, or someone prone to herd mentality, or following the cliche but as I get older, I've come to recognise certain things that happen physiologically to me have a direct bearing on what's going to happen very soon.   And usually bad stuff.   I begin to feel an overwhelming sense of dread, it permeates every fibre of my being, I go to sleep feeling sick and anxious, I can't sleep.  When I wake up, I'm completely jittery and prone to jump at the slightest thing.  I want to burst into tears. 

As the day progresses, it's like I'm just waiting for the proverbial Sword of Damocles to fall on my head at any given moment. There's no rational reason why I would feel like this. 

Yes, I'm still working in the immigration business (part of my multi-tasking during the day) and by extension, one has to be constantly ready for a disaster.  But that side of my business life is nowhere near as stressful as it was when we were in South Africa. 

I wish I could figure out where these feelings come from, so I could send them back.   But I guess they are a kind of early warning system, so I can in some way steel myself for the crap that's gonna fall on my head in a few minutes' time. 

I had these feelings of complete dread all weekend, even though it was a lovely couple of days off and I did lots of things that nurtured my creative soul, I still could not sleep and woke up this morning ready for Armageddon.  And for the past couple of hours I've done nothing but fight with clients about stuff that's completely out of my control.   Not normal Monday morning blues at all, real Wrath of Titan battling type of stuff.   I want to go home.

Oh I am home.

Well then I'll hide in a cupboard, maybe they'll go away. 

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