Friday, July 10, 2015

For my mum ...

Hermanus, Cape Town (Grotto Beach)

5 years ago today you were taken from me, Mum.  Not one minute has gone by since then that I haven't wished I could hear your voice, or just ask your advice about things that happen to us as we go through life.  It's weird but I don't have that feeling of loss about dad, my soul doesn't hurt when I think about him.  When he went, I just accepted it and got on with life - maybe it was because we were already estranged by then, so I didn't really feel much when he passed.
On the other hand, you were always my rock and I feel like the universe shifted off kilter when I watched you die.   I'm on loose ground, wobbling about with no sense of direction. Even though I know somehow you will always be with me in spirit, it would be so nice to hug you, Mum; to breathe in your scent and give you a kiss; to ask you if I'm doing alright, if I'm on the right track?  I miss you more now than I ever did - so anyone who says 'it gets easier with time' doesn't know what they are talking about, because it doesn't.

The Rowberry family up in Scotland with my Great Auntie Nel and Great Uncle Arthur (far left and right of photo) My mum is standing at the back, top of the photo ... her beloved dad (my Grandad), is sitting on the ground at the front.  The middle row left to right is my Auntie Jean (who now doubles as my surrogate mum and intrepid travelling companion), my lovely Auntie Barbara (who's just had a hip replacement) and my Grandma. I think this photo was taken in the Thirties (not sure).     

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