I feel really weird about this upcoming trip to South Africa, I'm happy yes but I'm also incredibly anxious. It's just such a short trip we're having this time, hardly worth the long haul flight really but it's the best our budget and the UK school holiday calendar would allow.
This time next week, if all has gone according to plan, we'll be driving down to Durban. I'll be staying with my eldest son and his boys (including new baby) and wife.
I'll just have to be content with the 11 full days - I'm not counting the day we arrive, as we're going to be fucking knackered from the flight and spending most of the day driving backwards and forwards to malls and banks and what not. I'm also not including the day we're coming back, prior to the evening flight, because we'll just be spending the time packing and saying goodbye to everyone - it's going to be so hard.
There are going to be a few very hard days on this trip - leaving my eldest son and his new baby plus my almost three year old grandson is going to be one of the worst - I don't know how I'm going to handle that, not very well I imagine. I know he's going to cry and that's just going to make me bawl and everyone else in the car too. Give me strength, Lord to get through that day please!!!
But then I'll have even more hard stuff to handle, saying goodbye to my youngest son from Jo'burg a couple of days later - that's going to be so traumatic - I almost had a heart attack the last time I said goodbye to him, it broke my heart into a million pieces. I don't think I'll be able to let go of him.
Oh well ... I'll try to keep my chin up, try not to cry, try to absorb every second so it's never ever forgotten.